Wander

When the mind begins to wander
where do the thoughts that induce confusion come from?
The chest
the thing that binds the mind
the circuitry sending messages to all the wrong places
crisscross wiring composing a symphony of corrosion
making the senses fail
corrupting the main system of things
shortening the life span of the CPU
frying the motherboard inside
eating the ram
dismantling the the video card altering the vision
the hands typing this going numb
i only wish for one thing
the anti-virus to solve the issue of this virus
like a trojan horse, entering so nicely
and implanting your seed of destruction
with every piece i try to remove
you grab hold of another trying to stay in
but i wont let you
hacking my terminal attempting to stay
intending to upset me
but here i go pressing the cleanse button
getting rid of you
restoring to my original state
protecting myself against another attack
so you never return to infect me
putting a password on my incoming traffic line
filtering my processes terminating you
and defragmenting all the unwanted things about you
begone i do not want you...yet...

QuikNote1

with the constant vibe
the melodic boom from the bass
the chime of the synths
to the incesant cry of the voice
I can't seem to distance myself
how do i make my way out?
life the endless waiting job
busy running to and from tables
not remembering to stop and breathe
not notice the small changes
over filling the plate
where do you begin?
always standing in the same places
always seeing a new face
the tall, the short
the long to little
being enticed by the many
and i mean many different arromas
well my time is up
there goes my NYC train ride

The Crave

If there were different options
I'd take em
on this exam only given
A, B, C, and D sometimes E
what about the other choices?
what about those dicisive factors
where not everything is set in stone?
standing at the fork in the road
having to choose either A or B
trying to go down the middle
but feverishly blocked by myself
trying to live how i want to live
but pulled to one side for others views
trying to please their aspirations
neglecting my own
but no more
what the heart craves the mind destroys
getting too held onto i brush it off
then realizing my fault
retaliate on myself the abuse deserved
cut away the ties that bind me to this thing
the one consistantly driving thing
plauguing my very existance
forcibly scorning it
disregarding all attention it seeks
daily throwing it into limbo
not wanting it to achieve its desire
crippling you i begin to wonder why do it?
Solitude is my minds ambition
While the lust of my heart wants the silhouette
standing beside me...

Thought Clarity 1

This clouds that fill my head right now are almost intoxicating
thoughts upon thoughts with no solid solution
solution upon solution ever so eluding me
this isn't just another piece with things that run through my head
these are the thoughts that plague my mind
tormenting me on a daily basis
6 weeks till the end of things
where do i begin to prepare for the end?
what in the hell am i going to do once everything is completely set in stone?
why does this have to happen to me right now when things are lookin up for me?
Sigh...
Fuck...
you kno what, i think it should be good for me though
Hmmm...
School, god i wish i didnt have to go back, lord knows all i wanna do is just work
Work heavens i hate it but love it...just not one of them that i have now
how you gimme shit, then try to kiss my ass to kiss your ass?!
really?! thats what we do now?
damn...all the ppl that mainly mattered to me is now about to be left behind
and the things that i know and figure as normal are about to change
i'm goin to miss the faces, places and memories i have here, and im goin to have to find and make new ones?
ehh too much work, maybe ill just become a loner...
maybe ill find some way to actually open up when things start over
maybe i wont
Shit...
why can't my head finally get clear?
why do i not care much anymore?
Damnit...eff it im jus gonna leave with a blast, gonna lose people that i could care less about
gonna strengthen those that i do
and those in the middle...
yea those are gonna be shown the gray zone and get themselves filtered out
So this is jus a fraction of all things runnin through my head, for now ill end this, mayb my nxt post will be sumthin more interesting

Bullet out...

The Uncontrollable Deceit

As I sit here downing this intoxicating chemical
The vision becomes blurry
Senses dull
And memory fades
Reclining in this chair
Beginning the thinking process
Should I have said that?
Did it make sense to not just tell her the truth?
Just admitting that small factor could have possibly
And I stress possibly kept us together
But what do I do now that she's gone?
Should I have just told her about that one night
That one female
That one drunken stupid mistake...
No
Telling her flat out would have been even worse
But how do I deal with this guilt?
Damn I effed up
But telling her that I ran into Steph
My ex
at the bar with the guys
And ended up in the back seat of my car
Definitely not a good idea
Tho I love Sammy with all my heart
I can't believe I did this to her
I'm never drinking again...
But wait
Why didn't the guys stop me?
I thought they had my back?
Damn I guess giving Jamal a shiner
Was no incentive for him to stop me...
Damn
What do I do now?

Omg omg omg omg
Did I really do that with Kevin?!
Omg what would he think of me if I had just told him
If I had just told him that my homegirls
Wanted me to try weed for the first time
With a guy they know
Omg omg *shakes head*
now I see that it's true that things affect EVERYONE differently
But damn I didn't even know him
Shit so I tell him?
No
Dave would be pissed!
Would he even hit me out of anger?
damn I hope not
I love him so much tho
Would he have understood better if I told him?

*Two years later*
Sad to say I'm still sitting here in the same spot
Different chair
Same thought different day
Still sipping on this impairment
Wondering why we're not together
Jasmine told me what she did with Kevin
And I can't believe I raised my hand to hit her
Tho I caught myself and didn't
I almost could've landed myself in jail!
But how...
HOW did she know about me and Steph?!
I made sure to find a great excuse for not coming home
A damn good reason for even walking in the door smelling like a woman
But every bit of my story she saw right through it...
How?!
Just my dumb luck
I had to have slipped up on the details from a few days prior
Ahh am I a asshole

Can you believe it Marisol
It's already been two years since that fateful day
Two years since I broke away from your daddy
He thinks it was all his fault
Tho Jamal told me about the incident with Steph
I would've stayed with him
But when he found out about Kevin from jasmine
He blew a fuse
There was no conversation
No reconciliation
To be sure nothing ever happened I left and never looked back
Man do I wonder if he thinks about me
He doesn't know about you
If he did he would probably disown you
But I don't know that for sure
If only I could tell him now.

With this scenario at it's end.
Sammy and Dave
Have not only ended up highly under the influence of some inhibitor
But have also cheated on each other I the process
Had the two actually sat down and spoken about it like reasonable like they are Dave wouldn't be drinking himself silly
And Sammy wouldn't be a single mother
Had they both sat down like the adults they were
Could the two of them worked out their differences
Yea they could have
Tho trust shattered on both ends of willing and able
It could have been rebuilt
But due to the deceit of both parties
They followed what only be considered uncontrolled anger
For their actions
And did not control the truth of THEIR words
To mean something above and beyond..
For they were to be wed
But no more

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

trash v2

hi
every 2 seconds a person gets rid of some sort of trash
now I know you see what's going on around you
and there's the fact that trash.
doesn't go anywhere.
now I know what you're thinking
"bullet trash is unavoidable?
Yes it is.
particularly when it comes to those around you doesn't it
some of you reading know what I mean
while you cavemen before the wheel readers reading should grasp what I mean
when this is over
so here's a PSA for EVERYONE
to prevent the accumulation of trash in your vicinity

do you feel like one of your friends is considered trash?
Let's observe as this "friend" enters a room
"Hey it's me the bad one what up bitches sexiness is here"
and FREEZE
now. does every head turn and everything that was in process completely stop just for that one friend?
Does not one person in the bunch say
"ok nice entrance thanks for the interruption."
Does your convo get completely dropped with no rekindling approach?
then say hello to your litely trashy friend.

not convinced?
hmm
ahh try this
think the person you're with might be trashy?
bring them around your closest friends
is a majority give them a certain look and eventually tug you aside to "talk" it could be a sign. and you know that not only your partner is trash but also your friend if they end up hooking up.
Now that ladies and gents.
is trash.

Now I can understand if you might be reading this next to someone you consider a close friend and have at this point stopped reading and instantly looked at them more than once.
for this I apologize
With prolonged exposure to said trash there are chances that you too can develop serious symptoms of being trashy, worst case scenario is the acquisition of the assholeology following.
Symptoms of assholeology include
-random bitch fits
-constant one night stands
-wanting any person that any of your friends want and/or are with
-pushing away of people you once considered friends
-developments of OCD
-and finally complete social destruction

so with that being said I hope your eyes are open ladies and gents
just know that trash does not disappear nor can it be changed.
it is handled in many ways and by many hands (and by many, I mean MANY) hands.
Well hopefully at this point we all understand that trash is always amongst you
and your thinking twice about the company you keep.
Just get rid of them.
it's so easy a caveman like yourself can do it

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Trash (Bee's version)

Since I'm starting to get really annoyed with what's going on around me, I think this is an appropriate PSA time for some folks who don't know about.....Trash. Trash has always been the most detectable thing that whatever you believe started on this planet. If you saw it you knew what it was. You scrunched up your face, quickly walked away, and while doing so murmur under your breath "someone needs to take that trash where it belongs." Unfortunately for some, which is slowly becoming most, Trash has evolved into something more powerful then it ever was. There are only a select few people left that can spot Trash when they see it. Now for those who CAN'T spot Trash, let me present you with some examples so that hopefully YOU TOO can move the trash that is in your way.

Let's say, for instance, you suspect one of your friends is Trash. Observe how people react to them. If you notice that all of the attention goes directly to that person when they come in the room and instead of ignoring it, they feed into like its nourishment...chances are you have Trash amongst you. And if you think that your spouse might be Trash, take them around your closest friends. If at least 70% of them think you should watch out, gives a dirty look, and then immediately stops talking to you, chances are you are amongst Trash.

Now I understand how hard this might be to read, as the person who you are closest to might be Trash. For that, I would like to give my sincerest apologies. But trust me, this is for your own good. Prolonged exposure to Trash can lead to serious ailments, the worst of which being Assholeitus. You will start to push away the little amount of friends you have left and soon, will start thinking that you can change Trash into something else. But let me tell you this right now....Trash will always be just that....trash. Trash does not disappear with another persons touch, it might be moved from one location to the next, handled by many (and I do mean many) different hands...but if it was Trashy before it will ALWAYS be trashy. So hopefully while everyone reads this you will start to think twice about the people you encounter and always remember....Trash is always amongs you!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]