As I sit here downing this intoxicating chemical
The vision becomes blurry
Senses dull
And memory fades
Reclining in this chair
Beginning the thinking process
Should I have said that?
Did it make sense to not just tell her the truth?
Just admitting that small factor could have possibly
And I stress possibly kept us together
But what do I do now that she's gone?
Should I have just told her about that one night
That one female
That one drunken stupid mistake...
No
Telling her flat out would have been even worse
But how do I deal with this guilt?
Damn I effed up
But telling her that I ran into Steph
My ex
at the bar with the guys
And ended up in the back seat of my car
Definitely not a good idea
Tho I love Sammy with all my heart
I can't believe I did this to her
I'm never drinking again...
But wait
Why didn't the guys stop me?
I thought they had my back?
Damn I guess giving Jamal a shiner
Was no incentive for him to stop me...
Damn
What do I do now?
Omg omg omg omg
Did I really do that with Kevin?!
Omg what would he think of me if I had just told him
If I had just told him that my homegirls
Wanted me to try weed for the first time
With a guy they know
Omg omg *shakes head*
now I see that it's true that things affect EVERYONE differently
But damn I didn't even know him
Shit so I tell him?
No
Dave would be pissed!
Would he even hit me out of anger?
damn I hope not
I love him so much tho
Would he have understood better if I told him?
*Two years later*
Sad to say I'm still sitting here in the same spot
Different chair
Same thought different day
Still sipping on this impairment
Wondering why we're not together
Jasmine told me what she did with Kevin
And I can't believe I raised my hand to hit her
Tho I caught myself and didn't
I almost could've landed myself in jail!
But how...
HOW did she know about me and Steph?!
I made sure to find a great excuse for not coming home
A damn good reason for even walking in the door smelling like a woman
But every bit of my story she saw right through it...
How?!
Just my dumb luck
I had to have slipped up on the details from a few days prior
Ahh am I a asshole
Can you believe it Marisol
It's already been two years since that fateful day
Two years since I broke away from your daddy
He thinks it was all his fault
Tho Jamal told me about the incident with Steph
I would've stayed with him
But when he found out about Kevin from jasmine
He blew a fuse
There was no conversation
No reconciliation
To be sure nothing ever happened I left and never looked back
Man do I wonder if he thinks about me
He doesn't know about you
If he did he would probably disown you
But I don't know that for sure
If only I could tell him now.
With this scenario at it's end.
Sammy and Dave
Have not only ended up highly under the influence of some inhibitor
But have also cheated on each other I the process
Had the two actually sat down and spoken about it like reasonable like they are Dave wouldn't be drinking himself silly
And Sammy wouldn't be a single mother
Had they both sat down like the adults they were
Could the two of them worked out their differences
Yea they could have
Tho trust shattered on both ends of willing and able
It could have been rebuilt
But due to the deceit of both parties
They followed what only be considered uncontrolled anger
For their actions
And did not control the truth of THEIR words
To mean something above and beyond..
For they were to be wed
But no more
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
trash v2
hi
every 2 seconds a person gets rid of some sort of trash
now I know you see what's going on around you
and there's the fact that trash.
doesn't go anywhere.
now I know what you're thinking
"bullet trash is unavoidable?
Yes it is.
particularly when it comes to those around you doesn't it
some of you reading know what I mean
while you cavemen before the wheel readers reading should grasp what I mean
when this is over
so here's a PSA for EVERYONE
to prevent the accumulation of trash in your vicinity
do you feel like one of your friends is considered trash?
Let's observe as this "friend" enters a room
"Hey it's me the bad one what up bitches sexiness is here"
and FREEZE
now. does every head turn and everything that was in process completely stop just for that one friend?
Does not one person in the bunch say
"ok nice entrance thanks for the interruption."
Does your convo get completely dropped with no rekindling approach?
then say hello to your litely trashy friend.
not convinced?
hmm
ahh try this
think the person you're with might be trashy?
bring them around your closest friends
is a majority give them a certain look and eventually tug you aside to "talk" it could be a sign. and you know that not only your partner is trash but also your friend if they end up hooking up.
Now that ladies and gents.
is trash.
Now I can understand if you might be reading this next to someone you consider a close friend and have at this point stopped reading and instantly looked at them more than once.
for this I apologize
With prolonged exposure to said trash there are chances that you too can develop serious symptoms of being trashy, worst case scenario is the acquisition of the assholeology following.
Symptoms of assholeology include
-random bitch fits
-constant one night stands
-wanting any person that any of your friends want and/or are with
-pushing away of people you once considered friends
-developments of OCD
-and finally complete social destruction
so with that being said I hope your eyes are open ladies and gents
just know that trash does not disappear nor can it be changed.
it is handled in many ways and by many hands (and by many, I mean MANY) hands.
Well hopefully at this point we all understand that trash is always amongst you
and your thinking twice about the company you keep.
Just get rid of them.
it's so easy a caveman like yourself can do it
every 2 seconds a person gets rid of some sort of trash
now I know you see what's going on around you
and there's the fact that trash.
doesn't go anywhere.
now I know what you're thinking
"bullet trash is unavoidable?
Yes it is.
particularly when it comes to those around you doesn't it
some of you reading know what I mean
while you cavemen before the wheel readers reading should grasp what I mean
when this is over
so here's a PSA for EVERYONE
to prevent the accumulation of trash in your vicinity
do you feel like one of your friends is considered trash?
Let's observe as this "friend" enters a room
"Hey it's me the bad one what up bitches sexiness is here"
and FREEZE
now. does every head turn and everything that was in process completely stop just for that one friend?
Does not one person in the bunch say
"ok nice entrance thanks for the interruption."
Does your convo get completely dropped with no rekindling approach?
then say hello to your litely trashy friend.
not convinced?
hmm
ahh try this
think the person you're with might be trashy?
bring them around your closest friends
is a majority give them a certain look and eventually tug you aside to "talk" it could be a sign. and you know that not only your partner is trash but also your friend if they end up hooking up.
Now that ladies and gents.
is trash.
Now I can understand if you might be reading this next to someone you consider a close friend and have at this point stopped reading and instantly looked at them more than once.
for this I apologize
With prolonged exposure to said trash there are chances that you too can develop serious symptoms of being trashy, worst case scenario is the acquisition of the assholeology following.
Symptoms of assholeology include
-random bitch fits
-constant one night stands
-wanting any person that any of your friends want and/or are with
-pushing away of people you once considered friends
-developments of OCD
-and finally complete social destruction
so with that being said I hope your eyes are open ladies and gents
just know that trash does not disappear nor can it be changed.
it is handled in many ways and by many hands (and by many, I mean MANY) hands.
Well hopefully at this point we all understand that trash is always amongst you
and your thinking twice about the company you keep.
Just get rid of them.
it's so easy a caveman like yourself can do it
Trash (Bee's version)
Since I'm starting to get really annoyed with what's going on around me, I think this is an appropriate PSA time for some folks who don't know about.....Trash. Trash has always been the most detectable thing that whatever you believe started on this planet. If you saw it you knew what it was. You scrunched up your face, quickly walked away, and while doing so murmur under your breath "someone needs to take that trash where it belongs." Unfortunately for some, which is slowly becoming most, Trash has evolved into something more powerful then it ever was. There are only a select few people left that can spot Trash when they see it. Now for those who CAN'T spot Trash, let me present you with some examples so that hopefully YOU TOO can move the trash that is in your way.
Let's say, for instance, you suspect one of your friends is Trash. Observe how people react to them. If you notice that all of the attention goes directly to that person when they come in the room and instead of ignoring it, they feed into like its nourishment...chances are you have Trash amongst you. And if you think that your spouse might be Trash, take them around your closest friends. If at least 70% of them think you should watch out, gives a dirty look, and then immediately stops talking to you, chances are you are amongst Trash.
Now I understand how hard this might be to read, as the person who you are closest to might be Trash. For that, I would like to give my sincerest apologies. But trust me, this is for your own good. Prolonged exposure to Trash can lead to serious ailments, the worst of which being Assholeitus. You will start to push away the little amount of friends you have left and soon, will start thinking that you can change Trash into something else. But let me tell you this right now....Trash will always be just that....trash. Trash does not disappear with another persons touch, it might be moved from one location to the next, handled by many (and I do mean many) different hands...but if it was Trashy before it will ALWAYS be trashy. So hopefully while everyone reads this you will start to think twice about the people you encounter and always remember....Trash is always amongs you!
Let's say, for instance, you suspect one of your friends is Trash. Observe how people react to them. If you notice that all of the attention goes directly to that person when they come in the room and instead of ignoring it, they feed into like its nourishment...chances are you have Trash amongst you. And if you think that your spouse might be Trash, take them around your closest friends. If at least 70% of them think you should watch out, gives a dirty look, and then immediately stops talking to you, chances are you are amongst Trash.
Now I understand how hard this might be to read, as the person who you are closest to might be Trash. For that, I would like to give my sincerest apologies. But trust me, this is for your own good. Prolonged exposure to Trash can lead to serious ailments, the worst of which being Assholeitus. You will start to push away the little amount of friends you have left and soon, will start thinking that you can change Trash into something else. But let me tell you this right now....Trash will always be just that....trash. Trash does not disappear with another persons touch, it might be moved from one location to the next, handled by many (and I do mean many) different hands...but if it was Trashy before it will ALWAYS be trashy. So hopefully while everyone reads this you will start to think twice about the people you encounter and always remember....Trash is always amongs you!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Clarity of the Veil
Every day you open your eyes
Be grateful that it isn't your last
At 21 the world is ahead of you
Tho we go thru struggles
Tho recessive times
We should always strive
Strive for more than what we have
And more than what we had
For life in it's infinite ideas
Has finite time
Harboring grudges
Useless
Seeding viruses
Pointless
Wandering aimlessly
Non-recommended
But what happens when
You hold a small thought
And that small idea
Begins to manifest itself
Into your consciousness
Eating away at your every concept
Gnawing at your very existence
Fighting to rid the very existence
Of the beating heart
Searching for something
To begin anew
Yet contemplating rekindling an old flame
One that was never truly extinguished
Just put to the back burner
Slowly and steadily cooking
Stewing up a work of art
Wanting to taste this delicacy
Yet afraid to burn my tongue
Do I take the risk touching the pot?
In doing so
Will I not scorch my hands
Of past memories
The clarity of this choice is very low
Taking an unfathomable toll on the senses
I want to be part of my creation
Tho wondering of my ludicrous conception
I stir quietly seeing the ugly truth
That your culinary uniqueness
Is what my desires are now trying to embrace
Be grateful that it isn't your last
At 21 the world is ahead of you
Tho we go thru struggles
Tho recessive times
We should always strive
Strive for more than what we have
And more than what we had
For life in it's infinite ideas
Has finite time
Harboring grudges
Useless
Seeding viruses
Pointless
Wandering aimlessly
Non-recommended
But what happens when
You hold a small thought
And that small idea
Begins to manifest itself
Into your consciousness
Eating away at your every concept
Gnawing at your very existence
Fighting to rid the very existence
Of the beating heart
Searching for something
To begin anew
Yet contemplating rekindling an old flame
One that was never truly extinguished
Just put to the back burner
Slowly and steadily cooking
Stewing up a work of art
Wanting to taste this delicacy
Yet afraid to burn my tongue
Do I take the risk touching the pot?
In doing so
Will I not scorch my hands
Of past memories
The clarity of this choice is very low
Taking an unfathomable toll on the senses
I want to be part of my creation
Tho wondering of my ludicrous conception
I stir quietly seeing the ugly truth
That your culinary uniqueness
Is what my desires are now trying to embrace
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Induction
Welcome to life
how are you doing ladies and gentlemen?
So you all should know
this is the thing you shape and mold
the thing that will give you headaches
and heartaches
with the many ups and downs that you shall experience
no matter what
tho it may seem invisible at times there will always
*Clears throat*
let me repeat ladies and gentlemen
ALWAYS be that person watching you
ALWAYS expecting too much
ALWAYS loving the little things
ALWAYS stressing the simple
but there is always the person that will
BE THERE FOR YOU
So don't watch the ground
keep your head high
have your ears plugged from the negative
and your eyes searching towards the sky
because standing alone may seem heavy
there is the silhouette of the person
destined to be there, there
So find your road
and traverse it
and do so with a smile
tho this thing we all share in common
Life
may seem like forever
it is a lot shorter than we think
Live strong
Live live
Live for today
to guarantee tomorrow
ALWAYS keep at least one foot ahead of the other
so you don't fall at all the misconceptions
so you don't fall on the little trips
so you don't fall for the wrong
But you fall for all the right reasons
Make sure you influence life like rain
to be beautiful at all the perfect moments
But lastly
You MUST induce YOUR mind to let go of the past
tho cliche at this point
Give yourself some incentive
Induce your own inception of serenity. . .
DEDICATED TO CRISSY, NARIAH N JONATHAN
how are you doing ladies and gentlemen?
So you all should know
this is the thing you shape and mold
the thing that will give you headaches
and heartaches
with the many ups and downs that you shall experience
no matter what
tho it may seem invisible at times there will always
*Clears throat*
let me repeat ladies and gentlemen
ALWAYS be that person watching you
ALWAYS expecting too much
ALWAYS loving the little things
ALWAYS stressing the simple
but there is always the person that will
BE THERE FOR YOU
So don't watch the ground
keep your head high
have your ears plugged from the negative
and your eyes searching towards the sky
because standing alone may seem heavy
there is the silhouette of the person
destined to be there, there
So find your road
and traverse it
and do so with a smile
tho this thing we all share in common
Life
may seem like forever
it is a lot shorter than we think
Live strong
Live live
Live for today
to guarantee tomorrow
ALWAYS keep at least one foot ahead of the other
so you don't fall at all the misconceptions
so you don't fall on the little trips
so you don't fall for the wrong
But you fall for all the right reasons
Make sure you influence life like rain
to be beautiful at all the perfect moments
But lastly
You MUST induce YOUR mind to let go of the past
tho cliche at this point
Give yourself some incentive
Induce your own inception of serenity. . .
DEDICATED TO CRISSY, NARIAH N JONATHAN
Monday, August 2, 2010
Serenity
Convening with this chair
whose to say your actually sitting there?
are your eyes open?
and your mind elopin'?
floating away to some distant place
drifting at a simple pace
what's this driving silence
does your heart have its license?
waking up is this world real?
I know exactly how to make you feel
wondering where my subconscious has brought me
going deeper I'm more likely to see
all the thing I'd want in my view
laughing at all the thing this place can spew
getting to this very spot
thus begins my lovely plot
with a snap of my finger
many feelings begin to linger
It's time to lime
and drop the rhymes
welcome to my dream
which is only whipping up steam
feeling the kick you open your eyes which world is this?
is it still one of your fantasies?
No you recognize all the familiar things
going about your day you see the expected faces
and the the typical thing
close off the world
click the remote which commences the music
tranquil and soothing
venturing out to your soundtrack
you find that silhouette by your side
in the midst of the community
you go deep fishing
trying to hold onto this reality
Tick Tock said the clock as time flew by
nothing went wrong
you find that much needed and sought after comfort
life became smiles and giggles
but something felt off
you have then realized that you have implanted your first inception
finding your way home
closing off this beautiful section of your thoughts
Reawakening
grunting at the initial dismay
only to come to terms that inception was its false name
for it was Deja Vu
because the silhouette of your dreams
lies happily beside you
sitting still in this serenity
You smile.
whose to say your actually sitting there?
are your eyes open?
and your mind elopin'?
floating away to some distant place
drifting at a simple pace
what's this driving silence
does your heart have its license?
waking up is this world real?
I know exactly how to make you feel
wondering where my subconscious has brought me
going deeper I'm more likely to see
all the thing I'd want in my view
laughing at all the thing this place can spew
getting to this very spot
thus begins my lovely plot
with a snap of my finger
many feelings begin to linger
It's time to lime
and drop the rhymes
welcome to my dream
which is only whipping up steam
feeling the kick you open your eyes which world is this?
is it still one of your fantasies?
No you recognize all the familiar things
going about your day you see the expected faces
and the the typical thing
close off the world
click the remote which commences the music
tranquil and soothing
venturing out to your soundtrack
you find that silhouette by your side
in the midst of the community
you go deep fishing
trying to hold onto this reality
Tick Tock said the clock as time flew by
nothing went wrong
you find that much needed and sought after comfort
life became smiles and giggles
but something felt off
you have then realized that you have implanted your first inception
finding your way home
closing off this beautiful section of your thoughts
Reawakening
grunting at the initial dismay
only to come to terms that inception was its false name
for it was Deja Vu
because the silhouette of your dreams
lies happily beside you
sitting still in this serenity
You smile.
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